Disclaimer: I am no movie buff nor do I aspire to be one. The last movie I saw in a movie theater was American Sniper and previous to that, Hunger Games, Catching Fire. Also, spoilers. Lots of them.

This movie is chock full of classic James Bond themes, implied sex, SMGs, gorgeous countrysides, beautiful women, witty banter, Aston Martins and a villain with a futuristic lair in the middle of nowhere.

In this movie Bond tasks himself with ridding the world of one of the greatest evils of our time, Big Brother (Orwellian, not the multinational reality tv program). He finds himself as a pawn in a global game of assassin chess but continuously finds a way to promote himself to a queen.

The movie opens with Bond celebrating dia de los muertos in Mexico by retreating from the packed city streets into a bedroom with a beautiful woman. But before things get juicy, he nonchalantly waltzes across rooftops to thwart an act of terrorism in true James Bond fashion. A city block gets blown up, a helicopter wildly tumbles through the sky and Bond escapes without a spec of dust on his nicely pressed suit.

Long story short, Bilbo Bond comes across a ring and is consumed with uncovering a secret society that holds immense global power. The ring features an octopus-like symbol that we learn stands for the one brain behind the evil intelligence organization, SPECTRE, with the seven tentacles representing the top 7 Sargent-at-“arms” of this far-reaching superpower.

MI6 is threatened with becoming obsolete, Bond goes rogue, Q and Moneypenny provide him with all his intelligence needs and risk their jobs in the process, and 007 falls into a trap to lure 007 into the hands of the villain, Oberhauser.

There’s the Aston Martin DB10 pitted against the Jaguar C-X75 in a cat-and-mouse chase through the streets of Rome, you see Bautista gouge someones eyes (in?), a Russian style poisoning, a bone chilling lobotomy-style torturing and are privy to the bizarre backstory of Oberhauser’s cuckoo taunt- the result of intense daddy issues leading to the murdering of his own father for favoring the pseudo adopted Bond over his own flesh and blood AND a life’s obsession with allowing 007 to eliminate his henchmen and luring him into his evil lair where he would attempt to kill him.

Oh, and that lobotomy-style torture- that was hard to watch. I’d argue harder than watching the infamous American History X curb stomp. Everyone in the theater collectively cringed as the hissing, rotating needle pierced Bond’s neck and penetrated his skull.

I can appreciate their choice of torture as it really made everyone uncomfortable in an age where we are desensitized to blood and gore. It makes the nut whipping from Casino Royale seem like Club Med.

Oberhauser brings up Bond’s kryptonite, Vesper Lynd, and who can blame him? If you’ve seen The Dreamers, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

The suspense builds and Bond is forced to pick between saving the damsel in distress and preserving his own life to die another day. He of course, chooses both, and much to the chagrin of the overconfident Oberhauser who pulls up a chair (in a helicopter), props up his feet, busts out a bowl of chips and watches his bomb blow a building much like a pyromaniac watches a fire burn.

In the end, Bond trades his Sig for a sig. other, checkmate.

[I was lucky to be invited to the advance screening of the newest installment of the James Bond franchise, Spectre and enjoyed watching Daniel Craig’s legacy as 007 get neatly wrapped up, making way for Idris Elba.]